Every morning I receive the latest stories addressing infidelity from around the world. While America embraces infidelity, many parts of the world instead reject unsightly appearance.
The stark contrast in how infidelity is dealt with in other parts of the world versus the United States amazes me. The other day, headlines like “What constitutes infidelity in the digital age?” “Should I get involved with a married woman?” and “I loved cheating, but I love my husband more” showed the attitude of many Americans.
From other nations, there were headlines of “Cheating wife axes sleeping husband, burns body”, “Man ends life, blames wife’s infidelity”, ” Economic crisis, infidelity keep witchcraft practices alive in Mexico” “Woman swallows $7000 in cash to teach cheating husband a lesson“.
It would be hard finding a starker contrast on a common topic. It leaves me wondering if they are talking about the same topic.
So when Americans and the rest of the world talk about infidelity, it’s as if they are speaking a foreign language. The mindsets are radically different.
Other parts of the world recognize the ugly, harsh realities that affairs bring, including witchcraft, economic loss, and risk of violence. While in the US, questions are asked which hide or confuse the ugly side of infidelity, despite 90% of the American people believing adultery is morally wrong.
The rest of the world grasps how serious it is, while the press in America portrays infidelity as ‘entertainment’ and fodder for press releases.
On seeing the massive differences, I recall a quote by the writer Flannery O’Conner who said, “Whenever I’m asked why Southern writers particularly have a penchant for writing about freaks, I say it is because we are still able to recognize one.” She realized that some people see things for what they are in terms of evil or freakishness
Another poignant quote of hers that applies is “The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it.” As Americans, many have stomached infidelity and accepted it rather than reject it and see it’s freakishness.
Americans behave like ostriches with their head in the sand. They don’t see affairs as a problem, so the problem doesn’t exist. Denying the existence of a problem doesn’t remove the pain, or the heartache.
If you speak out against affairs, you are denying someone their happiness, no matter how ill-gotten they obtained it.
If you can’t recognize the problem in front of you, what’s the likelihood you’re going to make some serious changes? I can answer the question of what constitutes infidelity…when you don’t put your spouse ahead of all others.
When you no longer love, honor and cherish them. All you had to do was look at your wedding vows. When you’re not keeping them, you’ve got some form of infidelity going on.
When you see an affair as a ‘natural part of marriage’ or ‘just part of being human’, you’re not going to take the relationship issues or your marriage seriously.
Instead, you view marriage as a temporary relationship status. That kind of thinking reveals some major immaturity when it comes to marriage.
If you’re looking for help that tells you that affairs are natural or just part of the human experience, you’ll be disappointed with my approach. I teach the opposite of that.
I teach that marriage requires commitment, that self-discipline is a good thing, and that working together the two of you will accomplish more than engaging in arguments over what kind of affair it is.
The affair happened, now the two of you need to deal with it. Dealing with it means making changes. I’ll show you where changes are needed along with ways of establishing new healthy patterns of talking and problem solving together in your lives.
The Affair Recovery Workshop lays out what you need for recovering from a life-changing experience.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
