One reader expressed concern about ways of handling when your spouse is sexually obsessed with the lover.
First, remember that some lovers are evil. That sounds harsh, yet when they are aware that they’re in an affair with a married spouse and continue what they are doing, even to the point of engaging in sexual activities outside of the usual range of behavior in the marriage, they’re being evil. In such situations, they are purposely using sexual bait in hooking your spouse.
When you are dealing with an ‘evil lover’, know that they aren’t playing fair or by any kind of rules or morals. They are operating based on passion and lust, NOT logic.
You will not be able to reason with them. They and or the cheater are operating on the level of an animal in heat.
Trying to outsex the lover is a dead end strategy. You want your spouse back because they love you, not because of your sexual acrobats.
If you gain their attention through sexual acrobatics, you are at risk of the next more adventurous acrobat who can deliver more intense experiences luring your spouse away. You want to focus on love rather than sexual stimulation.
Second, you are dealing with obsessions. Obsessions consist of the thinking and fantasizing associated with the affair.
When obsessions are happening, they are ‘having an affair in their heads’. Obsessions are often a blend of fact and fantasy. You’ll want to interrupt their fantasy times.
They need to be engaging their mind rather than allow it to passively drift into the obsessive mode.
The difference between obsessions and addictions is that the addictions happen when there are actions associated with the obsessions. The actions are often ways of reducing the tensions associated with the obsessions.
This will give you some places to start along with help on what to avoid.
In the ebook, “Why He Cheats”, I address the role of fantasy and ways of dealing with that part of the obsession. Understanding what is going on in the head of the cheater helps you handle the situation more effectively.
Best Regards,
Jeff
