Forgiveness is an oft-repeated word you about in the church, in self-development workshops and groups, and even in talk shows. Yet, beyond the usual tirades and yaddas about it, a lot of people e still wonder “How” to go about actually forgiving someone. If you also think about the seriousness that infidelity causes, you would also understand why a lot of people are hesitant in extending forgiveness. If you have been through an affair, forgiving your spouse is important in helping yourself be whole again.
When the pain of the infidelity is still fresh in your heart, you have to find ways to let out these emotions. Don’t bottle them up. One way to begin letting go is taking your pen and your paper. Write down your emotions. Write down your thoughts. Don’t pause to edit your grammar and your ideas. Just express what is in your heart, writing down everything that comes to your heart or mind. If you hate your spouse for what happened, write it down! (Since this is a tool for you, and not a court document, you can include fantasies. You can write down what you imagine.)
Once those items are written, it will become clearer, what your pain is actually about. Writing has a way of forcing us to develop honesty with ourselves. It also forces us to think through what actually occurred and what we imagined. It brings thoughts and emotions into focus and provides greater clarity in thinking.
Once you have identified the emotions and thoughts, read what you have written. Consider what you can learn from it. After gaining what you can, when you decide to begin the letting go process, you can take the next step.
Go to the fireplace, or any place that you can be alone. Burn the paper and let that be a symbol that you are letting go of these negative emotions. When you do, you shall be more prepared in dealing with your spouse and talking about rebuilding your marriage.
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