Affairs are confusing. What you can imagine is very different from what you feel. Each of these is dramatically different from what your are told about them. At times you may feel like an alien living in three or more different worlds at the same time. The conflicting stories, feelings, advice and facts create a confusing situation. The more you talk or think, the more confused you may feel.
In dealing with the confusion, it is important to not lose your bearing when you discover an affair. Do not let yourself succumb to despair and to any negative emotions that threaten to take over. Rather, be willing to stand strong and show your spouse that you are in control of yourself and of the situation. There are many things to do and not to do, which I have listed in my book. Here is a sample of a few things to help in dealing with the affair.
Get support. This might be in the form of your friends or a professional counselor. Whatever it is, you need someone who will listen to you and be honest with you. They may not be able to offer solutions to your problems. At least you know that there are people you can count on. Just let your emotions flow freely and your friends or your counselor will help you with your situation.
Take Action It is important to take action rather than ignore what happened and what you are feeling. By taking action, I am referring to the tendency to minimize or ignore the issues. The issues can not be ignored or swept under the carpet.
Give space to each other. The period after the divorce would be at time of contemplation and reflection about the state of your life and how you will go through this difficult phase of your marriage. Giving space is needed physically, emotionally and spiritually. Giving space to each other means that you respect each other and you are giving each other time to think through these things.
Allow some time before you make any major decisions. Making decisions in the heat of emotions is never good. A similar path in needed regarding openly talk about the affair and its aftermath. But don’t take forever though. The issues will need to be dealt with and not put on ignore. Rebuilding your marriage can only happen if you are willing to be honest with each other and let out your emotions.
