When it comes to affairs, one issue that comes up repeatedly is that of forgiveness. I was reminded of this on reading a comment one distraught wife left on a page.
She asked, “How does a wife who has been married to a man for over 33 years, overcome catching her husband watching pornography and pleasuring himself to Playboy playmates SIX times?! I am demeaned, feel lowly and unattractive. And yet, I’m supposed to forgive, forgive, forgive, forgive, forgive and forgive??!! I am worn out. I don’t trust him at all and feel like we’re nearing the end of our life together because I cannot keep going through this time and again.”
In reading it, her frustration with the situation comes through. Although her situation may not be totally like yours, she’s still hurting and struggling.
Even though she attempts distancing herself from her hurts, they continue impinging on her thinking. There are more struggles going on that just with her forgiveness.
Some of you would be thankful for a husband whose only straying was into pornography land.
There are many things that struck me about her comment. Even though her profile proclaims how ‘thankful’ she is, her comment doesn’t show much sense of a thankful attitude.
Her comment about being worn out tells me that her understanding of forgiveness is limited. Rather than letting go of the pain, it sounds more like she still carries a painful burden. She may be forgiving, but she picks up the hurts and resentments soon after letting of them.
Given that she used the pronoun, “I” five times in her six brief sentences, it makes it clear where her focus lies. Her focus is on herself more than her marriage or husband.
That tells me a great deal about what’s wearing her out. Focusing on your own hurts leads to a painful introspection.
Focusing your attention on the wrong areas and having a sour attitude make any attempt at forgiving harder than it needs to be. Sour attitudes are often the result of incomplete forgiveness.
If she had a membership to the support community at Restored Lifestyle, she’d have access to a support group along with videos on forgiveness and communication that would help her through her struggle.
Best Regards,
Jeff
