There’s something unsettling about admitting and coming face to face with hard truths. There’s a part of me that winces on admitting that my mother is on her third husband. In previous generations, such actions would be greeted with statements about how “It isn’t right”.
The part that unsettles me is that third or fourth spouses are now accepted as ‘normal’ in many parts of society. When serial monogamy is accepted across society, it makes a statement about how marriage is no longer valued or cherished. It’s become a relationship that you use for a few years and then dispose of. It’s become a transactional relationship, instead of one based in love and respect.
Marriage should be so much more than a disposable relationship. We need to cling to the fundamental values that made marriage sacred; it shouldn’t be taken lightly regardless of what the latest cultural trend is.
The message these days is about recreating yourself. Each marriage is viewed as a new incarnation of who you are.
They’re fooling themselves. Instead of recreating a new version of themselves, they’re more often recreating relationships and unhealthy situations that they never worked through.
Although the affair wasn’t your fault, choices were made and actions were taken in the aftermath.
The problem is that the previous incarnations of you were never completed or finished. Someone left when things got tough with issues like those surrounding an affair. They never stayed long enough to learn the lessons and apply them.
That’s why it’s important to own your past—all of it, good and bad. It’s about facing hard truths and learning from them in order to grow. Marriage is more than a relationship you can discard when things get tough; it should be something that you cherish and value for life.
When marriages are no longer valued it sends a message to the children about their value as well. Gone is the security of knowing that a home is a special place that you’re a part of and where you’re always accepted.
Serial monogamy sets an example of what a marriage looks like. Since we gravitate to what is familiar, your children will feel drawn toward creating what they already know.
Working through issues is tough and unrewarding at times. There will be times of loneliness, times of sadness, and discomfort. The temporary pains are hard to see past. They keep you from seeing any long-term achievement as even being possible.
What I do know is that if you give up now, chances are you won’t work through things in the future. Giving up in despair and distractions are enemies to working through relationship issues. The more you give into them, the more power they’ll have over you.
Working through relationship issues isn’t for everyone. If you’re one of those who wants to work through rather than give up, consider the Affair Recovery Workshop. It will give you the tools you need to make improvements rather than recreate yourself in another marriage.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
