When your spouse cheats, it is natural to find yourself caught up in seeing their faults and the many promises they broke. Even when you begin considering forgiving them, you may remind yourself of the pain with comments like “They’ll just do it again!”, “They lied before. How do I know they are not lying again!” or “He doesn’t deserve my love!” Such statements often become major road blocks to rebuilding the relationship. They will keep your spouse at a distance. Yes, they will protect you, but they will also keep your spouse away.
Another part of the damage is that the glare of the cheater’s faults may blind you from seeing your own. Their broken promises may keep you from seeing how you have not kept up your promises either. You may not see how you did not keep up the “in sickness and in health, for better or worse..” part of your promises either. They may have broken their vows, but that does not automatically mean that you do not have to keep yours. Some well meaning people have taken the approach that a contract broken on one end means that the whole thing is broken and apply that same logic to their marriage.
You will have to ask yourself whether or not your promises are just as empty as the cheaters. Have you lied to them in the same manner that they have lied to you?
I recognize that these are hard words to consider. Such things are important to consider in getting honest with yourself and choosing to not fall for the lies anymore. I address other aspects of telling yourself the truth in my e-book “Surviving Your Partner’s Affair” and take it more in depth. The honesty with yourself and others is key in bringing healing to your life and your relationships.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey D. Murrah
