One of the areas that comes up with regularity in recovering from affairs is the issue of swinging. Swinging, which used to be called ‘wife swapping’ is now known as a ‘lifestyle’.
A reader wrote asking about swinging with a couple they are already friends with. Although the temptation is often there and becomes more pronounced when alcohol is consumed or drugs used, my advice is ‘Don’t do it!’
This is based on working with many couples who made the decision to give into the temptation. I wish I could convey the pain and desperation in brings into the lives of those who did it.
Some spouses are thrilled with finally getting into their friends pants, yet their spouse is left devastated. What started as a new adventure brings new pain and doubts into their marriage.
When pain comes, it seldom spreads evenly. This uneven pain is just one of the effects of swinging with a couple you’re already friends with.
Another effect is that it permanently changes the relationship. When you swing, the relationship crosses a line. They are no longer just friends, they are now lovers as well. That change brings new emotional pressures, loyalty conflicts and secret-keeping.
The swinging leaves you wondering about whether your spouse loves you or whether they are more interested in the person they swung with. Whatever relationship security you had in your marriage is now damaged.
All those changes require an exponentially growing amount of time and emotions. The relationship will consume your energies beyond what you imagine. It becomes all-consuming.
The relationship will demand your loyalties. You also have to consider how to handle your children and parents finding out about it. Consider what the cost is before crossing the line and blurring the boundaries with your friendships.
These days friendships are important. Risking them for sexual indulgence puts it in danger of alienation.
If you’ve crossed that line, now is the time for taking action in making changes. In the video, “Relationship trauma for swingers”, I address many of those important changes. Click and download your copy today and start getting healthy in your marriage and relationships.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
