When Rudy Guiuliani, the former mayor of New York was questioned about infidelity, his glib response was ‘Well, everybody does”. His response has in turn triggered many responses across the States. Progressive publications turn the issue into double-standards, while conservative publications cover over the matter with a broad brush.
Some political pundits consider bringing up infidelity a form of ‘nuclear option’ in gaining a political edge. As someone helping people overcome infidelities, it saddens me that some consider it a ‘nuclear option’. There is something tragic when people running for public office consider bringing up an affair as a ‘nuclear option’ because everyone does it.
The truth is, …not everyone does. Not every marriage has affairs. Keep in mind that conservatively 21% of spouses cheat. The more radical number is 40%. Even when you consider that 40% of marriages have cheating, that means that the majority do not have affairs. Mr. Guiliani is not speaking for the majority of marriages. He is speaking for a minority of marriages. Like the politician he is, he make the views and values of one small group sound like the values of society at large.
When the 20% or 40% tell you that what they are doing is acceptable since everyone else is doing it, something is wrong. Your being manipulated into accepting a false notion of reality.
When you accept the notion that ‘affairs are a normal part of life’, you have taken another step toward condoning them in society and in your own marriage.
Affair don’t have to be accepted or tolerated as necessary evils. You don’t have to accept them as the new normal. Although Giuliani has accepted them as part of his life, you don’t have to. if you don’t accept it from your spouse, why should you accept it from your elected leaders?
Perhaps the segment of society that desires public office come from the 20-40% of homes where infidelity is rampant. They have made their choices about what their priorities are, often choosing job, self-gratification and career ahead of their families and marriages.
It’s true that we often slip and slide in our decisions. There are times we don’t think clearly and make bad choices. Making a bad decision is on thing, but trying to make those bad choices seem normal by proclaiming ‘everybody does’ is a whole other matter. Perhaps everybody does in his social circle, but not in society as a whole.
Affairs don’t have to be a part of everyday life. They don’t have to be one of the faults you have to accept in your politicians.
It’s been said that we get the politicians we deserve. When all of those running for public office have histories of adultery, the statement made about society is tragic. When candidates have histories of moral corruption, and broken promises, what’s to stop them from other forms of corruption or breaking other promises?
When your marriage is impacted by an affair, do you brush it off as something that ‘everybody does’, or do you take steps aimed at repairing what has happened? If you choose the repairing option, consider the Affair Recovery Workshop or our other resources as a way of helping you in healing your marriage.
Best Regards,
Jeff
2 Responses
And this is why there are no laws against it. Because politicians and elites would be the first to go to jail. In a society where STDs run rampant. Many of them incurable and some deadly, you would think there would be measures in place to help prevent. Nope, because everyone does it……
David,
Thank you for sharing your views. Because of a small vocal minority opposed to consequences, many others suffer. It has been estimated that there are between 4 and 8 million new cases of STD’s each year, which costs an estimated $10,000,000,000 a year to treat and deal with. That is a huge chunk of change. With that amount of money at stake along with the anti-family agenda of progressive politicians, I don’t see the situation changing anytime soon. It’s a HUGE problem.
Rather than exercising self-discipline, encourage self-control and taking moral stands in this area, it’s easier for political types to just ‘go along to get along’ when it comes to infidelity and STD’s.