“Coming out of the dark place – in which, she cheated on her husband”

There are some letters from betrayed spouses that come across strong. They convey their situation and struggles in such a way that the emotions jump off the page. The words they use express what’s in their heart, which goes along with what I covered yesterday.

When their story is encouraging, its uplifting. When their story takes a downward spiral, it puts me in a place where I have to shake off their pain.

One particular difficult one contained a description of his wife as  having “no real remorse, no real empathy, no real apology, just the claim that she was in a “dark” place.”

He went on pointing out that her cheating was driven by her being in that ‘dark’ place. He was looking for direction in dealing with her.

Although he has hope for her and sees things she doesn’t see, he’s unsure how to connect with her. At that point, she has compartmentalized to the point of cutting off parts of herself.

It’s hard connecting with your spouse when they show no empathy or remorse. That lack of response added to lack of apology for what she did makes each time you try engaging with them painful.

At that point, you wonder if they’re emotionally dead. They go through their daily routine with little to no emotion. On top of that they don’t ask for or want any help.

This kind of reaction puts you into a paradoxical situation. You want to engage with them yet they remain unavailable. The emotional strain leaves you frustrated and wanting to give up. If you do give up, I understand.

The frustration you feel is part of them conveying to you what they’re experiencing. Dealing with such a situation is draining.

At times like this, you need additional help. This is where you need assistance beyond what you’ve found in the self-help and marriage books. This is when dealing with someone experienced in dealing with affair recovery is essential.

There may be more going on than just the affair.

I’ve had some recent openings in my schedule. If you’re interested in a consultation or online counseling services, email me Jeff@RestoreTheFamily.com for fees and availability.

Keeping It Real,

Jeff