There are times I feel the need to speak out and warn people. This is especially true when it comes to propaganda.
It would be one thing if it came with a warning, but in most cases, the propaganda is presented as truth. One of the propaganda mantras I hear these days is “It’s who I am.”
On the surface, the saying appears innocuous. You may have even heard the cheater tell you this exact phrase.
There are several danger behind that saying. The dangers are hidden from you when you come across it on shows and programs. This propaganda even shows up in Hallmark movies.
One danger is that it equates your person with your performance. If you make good choices, it makes you look good, but if you make mistakes or a few foolish of bad choices, you become a ‘bad person’.
Since the message is drilled into you since you were a youngster, it’s hard separating the two. In getting through affair recovery, it’s essential that you’re able to know the difference between who a person is and what they did.
Another danger is that it’s an excuse of not changing and not accepting responsibility. By saying “It’s who I am“, the speaker essentially tells you that you have to accept them as is because they don’t plan on changing.
Not only do they not plan on changing, they don’t even see it as a possibility. They’re telling you that you’re stuck with them the way that they are. They’re being rigid and selling you on it.
The phrase is popular in romcoms but does major damage to relationships when you believe it. That simple phrase damages your relationship in ways you never imagined. The moment you believe it, the possibility of change is gone.
The possibility of holding them accountable is gone. The possibility of growth is gone.
It sounds romantic and genuine. This adds to the danger hiding behind it.
We all make mistakes. Learning how to solve problems and make it past mistakes in your marriage is what will make your relationship stronger.
Getting past those mistakes also involves rebuilding trust. In the video “How Can I Trust YOU Again”, I share how you and your spouse can rebuild the trust the two of you once had.
A bad choice or mistake doesn’t immediately make them a bad person. There really is a big difference between who they are and what they did.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
