It’s become popular to post photos of someone holding up a sign proclaiming a truth or catchy saying. Even the videos containing a series of signs designed for telling stories are popular.
At times, I’ve found myself caught up in those stories and reading the signs. The signs have a way of catching your attention in a way that typing out the message doesn’t.
Most recently my attention was captured by a betrayed spouse with a sign proclaiming “They never want to discuss what triggers you, just how you reacted.” Although I wanted to read it and move on, the truth of her statement pulled me back to the image.
Dealing with and discussing triggers is an important part of affair recovery. Her sign also tells me that she and her husband have been doing some serious work in order to get that far into recovery issues.
The fact that she identified how he focused on her behavioral reactions rather than attempting to understand her triggers shows remarkable insight on her part.
When it comes to discussing triggers, both the trigger and the observable reaction require attention. Dealing with one while ignoring the other leads to the emotions coming out in another form. The feelings that come with the trigger will come out one way or another.
It’s also important that the triggers of the betrayed and the cheater be discussed. When I say discussed, I mean they need to be identified and understood, not just mentioned.
Discussing triggers honestly requires effort. Even mentioning them stirs up emotions for the both of you. There are even hidden or unconscious triggers at work in your relationship.
Hearing your spouse discuss their triggers isn’t easy, but it’s necessary. It’s also necessary that they hear out what triggers you as well without their reaction shutting you down or out.
In the video on “Overcoming Affair Relapse”, I go into triggers, pointing out what the more common ones are. I also point out how triggers are involved with affair relapse and ways of dealing with them.
Triggers don’t have to keep the two of you apart. Understanding what each other’s triggers are helps each of you in making your marriage relationship stronger. If you want more information on triggers, it’s there.
Click and download your copy of the video today.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
