One of the problems with contemporary culture is the emphasis on time rather than health. More attention is devoted to how fast or how long something happens
When you focus on ‘how long’ something is supposed to last or the timeline, you’re at risk for completing the main tasks that needed doing. This trend brings to mind an incident with a neighbor who was a triathalon athlete.
He made his focus the completion of his task. He wanted to perform at his best rather than focusing on his time. When a reporter asked him about how well he was doing in terms of his times, he told them about how his mind was on his performance and not his time.
His response surprised the reporter. He was ignoring the time and the reporter didn’t understand how that could be.
So when a reader wrote wanting to know “How long does a spouse need to be punished for an affair?” I immediately recognized that they had a misplaced focus. They want an answer about how long something should go on rather than whether or not the task was completed.
I’m not a fan of punishing your spouse. I view punishment as counter-productive. It leaves you feeling relieved but does little in improving your marriage.
It suggests that their marriage is moving in an unhealthy direction. Rather than husband and wife working together, it’s turned into a dynamic of jailer and prisoner dynamic.
The jailer and prisoner roles aren’t healthy ones. It messes up communication patterns and the roles each of you are in. Once you start those roles, it’s not easy ending. The mindset that comes with those roles is dysfunctional.
A better question would be something focused on how she can tell if her husband is truly repentant for what he did followed by how they can make their marriage stronger.
If you’re focused on punishment or how long to punish your spouse, it’s a good time to consider a different approach. Instead of punishment, consider forgiveness.
The kind of forgiveness I’m talking about is you letting go of the pain, the desire to hurt them back and suffer. Those kinds of reactions are natural, but become unnatural when held onto for long periods of time. At that point, you become more of a punisher than a wife.
In the video “Forgiveness: Stop the Pain, Tear down the Walls and Remove the Roadblocks”, I share with you how to implement this kind of forgiveness. It’s not about letting the cheater off the hook and removing accountability. Instead, it’s about you letting go of your pain without inflicting it on others around you.
When you get tired of carrying the burden of wanting to punish, know that there is another way. Click and download your copy today.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
