Although the word ambivalence is typically reserved for when you’re caught in a bind between feelings of love and hate, I’ve seen other situations where it works. Those situations are the ones where you are caught between contradictory feelings.
In popular culture, you could even refer to those situations as a ‘no-win’ or double-bind. In these situations, there are no easy choices. Having no-win scenarios is not the same as having a hopeless one, even though it leaves you feeling that way.
With affairs, you find yourself in such situations when you’re torn between keeping in your feelings which tears you up or confronting your spouse, which triggers a blow-up. Either way, there are consequences with your choice.
I mention this since dealing with affairs, especially when your spouse has mental health issues sets the stage for these kinds of situations. I mention the mental health issue since there is always a risk they will react in ways you never can accurately predict.
You hate what they did, but love them. You want the truth, yet know that confronting them about it will open a can of something you can undo.
In those situations you feel lost and unsure about what to do next. In such situations, the question I use in dealing with them is “Will this bring healing?” instead of “How will they react?”
When I use the question, it gives me the courage and determination to seek after the truth rather than letting fear shut me down. When you let it, fear will paralyze you.
Those situations also start breaking you of the habit of taking the easy way out. That’s no longer an option when there’s an affair in your lap.
This is where the video “Let’s Talk: Hurting People, Healing Questions” helps. It guides the two of you in bridging those communication crisis canyons. Rather than allowing more distance grow between the two of you, take steps that reduce the distance.
Click and download your copy of the video today. Instead of living in a no-win situation, you can start moving past it. You can move toward healing.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
