Yesterday, I talked to you about long term marriages. I want to continue along those lines.
There are times when you ask yourself ‘Why should I save my marriage?” You may even wonder if your marriage can be saved.
Today, I want to examine a reason why you should save your marriage. This presumes that you want to save your marriage after the affair. It also presumes that your marriage isn’t totally dysfunctional.
Although there are several reasons for saving your marriage, today, my focus is only on one. The reason today is, for your own mental health.
First, let me remind you that the longer the two of you have been together the more intertwined the two of you become. As time goes by, each of your brains interact with and team up with each other.
Although the two of you have separate bodies, when brains spend large amounts of time with each other, they start working as two parts of a team. When your brains work as a team, one brain balances out the other one.
The brains of couples are more intertwined than you may realize. Without words, the two brains communicate and interact with each other. They not only interact with each other, they begin mirroring each other.
In some cases, their actions are very coordinated, while others are clunky and awkward. Even in those awkward interactions, they’re still working together.
With the social and physical distancing that comes with an affair, the team work is disrupted. You’re suddenly cut off from that other half of thinking team that once existed.
That means that information isn’t processed like it was, nor are problems resolved like they once were. The team is no longer working together.
The dysfunction isn’t just in thinking, it also includes emotional control and soothing functions. When your ability to calm down and soothe yourself aren’t working it creates imbalances.
Your difficulty thinking, solving problems and calming yourself aren’t just imagined reactions. They are very real effects of one brain carrying on without the other. What you may consider as ‘crazy thinking’ is actually some of the side effects of withdrawal from your spouse’s brain.
With this in mind, it helps you and them for the two of you and your brains to work together. Recovery from the affair isn’t just about the two of you learning to live with each other again, or join each other in the bedroom. It’s also about reconnecting two brains accustomed to working with each other.
This is where the video series “Affair Recovery Workshop” helps the two of you recover and reconnect with each other. Healing includes reconnecting in ways you never imagined.
Click and download your copy today.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
