When you bring up the affair with your friends, it may shock you that some of them operate under the assumption that “Everyone is Unhappy!” They may tell you that everyone that they know is unhappy with their lives, their marriages and what they are doing. People operating under the assumption that ‘everyone is unhappy’ will not be receptive to your pain. You are not likely to receive encouragement and support from someone who assumes that everyone is unhappy. They can only give you what they have. If all they have is unhappiness, all they can give you is unhappiness. They may commiserate with you, but that is not encouragement. Sure, there is some comfort in knowing that you are not alone in feeling what you feel. When the only feelings that are validated are those dealing with unhappiness and being miserable, there will not be much hope or joy.
Although many people are unhappy in their lives and marriages, that does not mean that everyone is unhappy. You are leading yourself astray if you assume that EVERYONE is unhappy. There are also many happy people and many happy marriages. You may have to search them out. You will want to meet those people and talk with them about how they do what they do. The lessons you need will come from life experiences more than from books. Books can help, yet there are some lessons best learned from real people. (BTW, I have several e-books on dealing with affairs and affair related issues).
Since we often become like those we associate with, your association with those living unhappy lives will leave an imprint on you and your emotions. If you want change, you will also need to associate with people who encourage change and support you in your change. You want to be around people who smile, have hope and share encouragement.
Best Regards,
Jeff Murrah
