Have you ever seriously considered who should be responsible for affairs? If they were a matter ‘just between adults’, then why is an affair serious enough to be addressed in the armed services code? If a matter is serious enough to get a person court martialled, causing the cheater to loose status, etc., then it is indeed a serious matter. If it was between two adults, then why should courts be involved in dealing with marital unfaithfulness? The reasons courts are involved are two-fold. One is that affairs are not just a matter between two or even three adults. The issues impact more people than the cheater and the lover. They impact you, your children, the children of the lover and society in general. In the military, they know that affairs impact the morale of whole military units. An affair can tear apart the cohesiveness of a unit. It destroys the team. If it does that to a trained team, think about how it can tear apart a family, church or community. The courts know the damage that an affair can do, which is why courts involve themselves in such matters. They have a responsibility to the community, to the family and those people that will be impacted by the affair.
The second reason courts involve themselves with affairs is money. They make money from affairs and the fighting that surrounds them. Lawyers serve as ‘advocates’, which is a fancy way of saying, they are functioning as your “Rock-em Sock’em” robot in the battle arena known as the court room. Lawyers get paid to ‘fight it out’. They make more money by dragging the fight out and making it as exciting as possible. The more excitement, the more money. Like any paid fighter, they want fans that will continue supporting them in their show fight. They will also fight for whoever pays them the most. They may fight for a cheater one week and for the loyal spouse the next, all in the same court room.
Churches also have a role to play. It is not by accident that the Bible places some authority in the hands of priests and the church for dealing with such matters. If it was intended for husbands and wives to settle matters between themselves, then the priests and church would not have been given charge to deal with such matters. God knew that infidelity hurts everyone it touches. By empowering the church and priests to deal with the issue, the message is sent loud and clear that affairs are a serious matter. It is not that God does not want people to be unhappy. He set up structures to protect people from the damage that affairs and the baggage that comes with them.
All these structures deal with the aftermath of affairs. The responsibility for them is the couples on the front end, but becomes a community problem on the back end. So when you hear the line, it is a matter between consenting adults, alarms should go off in your head. They may use that excuse, but the reality is that church leaders, courts and laws have been set up to deal with the damage that those two consenting adults are considering. If it was a matter between ‘consenting’ adults, then all those structures would not have been given the authority to deal with the issue.
Best Regards,
Jeff Murrah
