My brother-in-law often uses the phrase “It’s all about ME!” when he’s dealing with situations where he sees some form of selfishness. He says it in such a way that it sticks in my head.
Even though he’s not physically here with me, I can see his face and hear his voice saying “It’s all about ME!” Perhaps it’s due to the sarcastic tone of voice he uses when he says it.
When your spouse has narcissistic tendencies, you know first-hand about the “It’s all about ME” attitude. When you’re able to gratify the attitude, things go very smooth. They are even pleasant and enjoyable to be around.
The problems begin when you tell them “no” or they face a situation where someone else is the center of attention rather than them. Those situations force them to consider that there are other people, other needs and other focal points besides them.
Even when it comes to affairs, they gravitate toward those that have similarities with themselves. It may be an attitude, similarity in gestures, or even similarity in appearance.
For the narcissist, like attracts like. Problems arise when the me has to share things with someone who’s ‘not me’. At those times, they feel threatened.
They may even fight with you over the affair and react angrily toward you for bringing it up. In their mind, they’re happy (based on happen-ings). You bringing up the affair amounts to coming along and interfering with it, which in turn interferes with their happenings.
(I prefer using the term happen-nings regarding narcissists since they need constant dog and pony shows in order to feel okay about themselves.)
This is part of what makes having a ‘real’ conversation with them so challenging.
Bear in mind that how they view happiness and how you view it are two different things. For the narcissist, they want events going on around them. They need the happenings in order to be happy.
This is very different from a happiness based on enjoyment or appreciation, even when you aren’t the center of attention or feeding into their fantasies about themselves.
It’s hard living with someone looking at the world through “It’s all about ME” glasses. They don’t see the world like you do. They may even blame you for all the problems and struggles they have.
If your spouse is a narcissist, there’s a good likelihood that you’ve undeservedly been the recipient of their anger and harshness. You didn’t deserve that. You don’t deserve it.
All that undeserved garbage leaves you stunned and in a state of emotional turmoil. In some cases, they may even have you believing all the lies they’ve been saying about you.
If this sounds like you and your situation, consider purchasing the video “Overcoming Affair Trauma”. It guides you through an un-doing of all that negativity that’s been piled on you.
It’s bad enough that the narcissist hurts you, it’s even worse when you start hurting yourself and continue carrying that burden.
Order your copy today and start undoing the damage.
Keeping it Real,
Jeff
