During these days, you’ve been told “Trust the experts!” Although there was a time when experts knew what they were talking about, these days that’s not the case.
First, consider what makes someone an ‘expert’. In my experiences I’ve learned that what passes for experts these days may not be what you thought they were.
The experts you see in articles and on television are those who are experts at marketing. They’ve learned ways of getting their message out. It just so happens that their message focuses on affairs.
So does that make them an expert on affairs or an marketing expert talking about affairs?
Does it show that they have connections or a message?
Do you think the television and print media are going to promote anyone telling you that affairs are sinful and destructive to families?
When the message stirs convictions, it’s not going to be seen on television screens and promoted in the bookstores. When they tell you affairs are wrong, they won’t be in the mainstream press.
When one network approached me about being on their program, I refused merchandising clients and turned them down. To me, a client’s marriage is private and not a public spectacle.
Talking truthfully about affairs touches lives in a way that makes the public uncomfortable.
Then there are the experts who write books. They know how to word things in a way that sells books and get publishing contracts, but does that make them an expert on understanding your situation and how to deal with it?
They may know how to get ghost writers to generate books for them, but does that mean they know what they’re talking about?
Who you consider an expert depends on what your goals are. Going to the popular expert will give you prestige, but when your marriage is in shambles, is prestige more important than your relationship?
I think it’s more helpful looking at the values and marriage of your expert. That tells you how their relationship counsel works in the real world.
Note how long they’ve been married and whether they’ve been successful at it.
It’s also helpful when experts have experience in dealing with infidelity. Someone who recently graduated from graduate school has likely spent their time doing research rather than building relationship with their spouse.
There are plenty of affair experts out there. Each is experienced and skilled in some area. Make sure that they’re an expert in what you’re looking for.
Did they manage avoiding infidelity in their own marriage?
Do they even believe in marriage?
Your marriage is important. I want you and your spouse to get through this time in a way that brings healing. I know first-hand about commitment, resisting temptations and moving past the damage from affairs.
If this is the kind of expert know how you’re looking for, I have some recent openings in my schedule. If you are interested in consultation or counseling about handling adultery, contact me at Jeff@RestoreTheFamily.com for available times and more.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
