When the cheater starts taking action, it’s a good sign. A concern that comes up with them is whether they can ‘overcorrect’.
In their mind they did something wrong and now want to make it right. A mistake made by many well-intentioned cheaters is not correcting their behavior enough.
They think they made a small mistake, so they make small corrections, when in reality is was a HUGE mistake and needing HUGE corrections. They don’t realize that HUGE actions are needed in order to send a message that gets through your pain that they really are serious about making changes.
When the corrections are too small, it broadcasts the message that they viewed their actions as ‘no big deal’. Small corrections also communicate that your value to them is small as well.
During the transition from them realizing they cheated to realizing they ACTUALLY cheated, there is a moment where they need to take action and be sure that their corrections are big enough. The amount of adjustment needed can vary depending on how severe they viewed the betrayal.
They may not feel that what they did was that bad, but their puny actions send that message loud and clear. When they only do what’s necessary to get you off their case, they’re only easing their conscience and taking steps toward keeping the peace.
Real healing requires overcorrection. They need to meet you where you are and show that they understand the severe nature of their actions. Their adjustments should make your heart sing, your love for them increase (not just feel tolerable), and your hope for a future together deepen.
This includes over-communicating, over-attending to your needs, over-listening to your hurts and over-praying as part of the healing. The over-doing is needed in order to convey that they are serious. It also conveys that the changes they’re making are ‘for real’.
Anything less than overcorrection in recovering from an affair is not enough. They need ways of showing you they’ve changed. Talk is cheap and often manipulative.
Actions show you where their heart is. Actions show you what their priorities really are. Actions show you how important you really are to them.
It’s only when they overcorrect that they begin understanding the depth of the hurt and betrayal you experienced. They may never fully comprehend, but overcorrecting is a start.
If your cheater isn’t sure where to start, consider the video “Help for the Cheater: Starting the Road to Recovery”. It goes into where to start and how to start the affair recovery process.
Healing is takes time, overcorrection and more. When you see the ‘more’ you know that they’re serious. If they don’t know what else they can do, the video will guide them in this matter.
Click and download the video today.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
