This is a question that many people ask. Unfortunately there are many ‘experts’ who willingly accommodate those asking with an approval of the act. Historically, it has been classed as the type of offense that is by its nature, ‘evil’. Although laws may be changed to take away legal penalties and excuse the action, the conscience knows that by its nature it is not acceptable. The heritage of human history has classified infidelity along with theft, murder, and other crimes of an evil nature. It takes a lot of rationalizing and frequent use mind-altering substances to make the act and its consequences ‘tolerable’. People struggle with affairs much more than they do for infractions of the law such as speeding or expired inspection stickers.
If it was acceptable, then what causes all the anguish in the aftermath of an affair? In the cases where I have seen people rationalize their actions*, they have done so by sincerely believing their excuses and reciting them repeatedly as if they were a mantra. Another type of instance where I have seen people rationalize their actions is by emphasizing the terribleness of what how their spouse treated them, so that they are justified in having an affair. They focus on what theri needs are and how their needs were better satisfied by the affair than their spouse. In either situation, those involved in the affair are rarely able to engage in rational discussions of their behavior. Whenever an attempt is made to have a rational discussion, they play an emotion or crisis card and change the whole discussion. In the cases where rational discussion does occur, the interaction is often very “matter of fact” in such a manner that the emotional side is totally cut off and not engaged.
(*These are my observations. They are not to be considered generalizable to all those people having affairs.)
(Another observation can be gained from the celebrities in the news. When they have an affair, the episode is often hushed up. If they were truly OK with their actions, they why do many of them try to hide the affair?)
Before you engage in an affair, consider the ‘end of the movie’ before doing so. Consider the consequences before you focus on the ‘fun’ and excitement of an affair. For those whose spouse has had an affair, it is important that you accept your spouse, but you do not have to accept or believe their rationalizations concerning the affair. It will be important to recognize these ploys for what they are if you are going to keep your peace of mind.
Best Regards,
Jeff Murrah
