Reality television has its pros and cons. In some ways, they are real-life versions of ‘ The Truman Show’ filled with drama and intrigue. It’s easy forgetting that these are real people with real problems and challenges.
Although I’ve talked about the show “Married to Medicine” in a previous post, it’s in the news again. This time an article came out claiming that the show offers a lesson in toxic masculinity’ and that it’s the women who need to check themselves.
The author points out the domestic violence occurring in the marriage of a main character, Dr. Jackie. Domestic violence is always a concern.
While highlighting the violence, the author only briefly mentions the affairs or how the main characters put job ahead of marriage and family. She neglects telling readers that when you put your job ahead of your marriage, there will be problems.
An example from the article is “It was great television — a stellar, modern-day example of toxic masculinity — regressive male behaviors and traits that perpetuate male domination, devalue women and justify the use of violence in any scenario.”
“Marriage is represented as the penultimate prize regardless of whether that comes with being choked out, emotionally starved or publicly humiliated. Physical violence and aggression, emotional distance and infidelity and sexual infidelity are normalized as “men being men.”
Violence in marriage is never good. Violence is a problem, not a solution in relationships. It’s the wrong solution to marital problems.
When it happens in your marriage, something has broken down. I also know from my Affair Recovery Survey results that violence happens in many marriages. Among the survey result respondents, about one third admitted to there being violence.
When two people are feeling desperate, they start doing desperate things. In their desperation they do things that are ‘unacceptable’.
I also view violence as the result of something. It’s a secondary effect of other actions. In my mind, the author missed these other actions, focusing instead on the trendy toxic masculinity’.
When career comes before marriage, you’ve created a toxic environment, whether it was due to masculine or feminine factors. This applies to medicine, education, law enforcement and yes, even the military.
When your marriage environment becomes toxic, it’s only a matter of time before each party starts exhibiting toxic behaviors. The behavior is easier to see than the values and choices that created the toxic marital environment. I think there were more lessons to be learned from Married to Medicine’ than what the author pointed out.
When the environment of your marriage is toxic, it’s time for action. One thing you can do is order the video, “We Need to Talk: Hurting People and Healing Questions”. It guides you in opening up the communication in your marriage.
Make changes before it’s too late.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
