Some of you have faced the challenge of a second D-Day. Going through a second D-Day doesn’t make things any easier.
In situations where there’s been a period of months between them, you’re likely facing an Affair Relapse. When the time period is only days or one month, you’re facing a combination of lying and staggered disclosure.
Just because you discover the affair and demand that it end doesn’t mean the cheater will end it. They may intend to end it or tell you what they think you want to hear, but that doesn’t mean its over.
The lying and staggered disclosure only drag out the pain. No matter how much the cheater claims that they don’t want to hurt you, staggering out the disclosure makes the pain worse.
I also know that some AP’s won’t let go of the cheater. Although they won’t let go, I believe the cheater makes choices. The choice was made to continue in one form or another.
Another choice made was that of not disclosing things to you in real time. Any delays after discovering the affair are forms of manipulation and resistance.
The manipulation is allowing you to believe something that isn’t so. The resistance is the conscious efforts at keeping the affair going.
At this point, you have to consider what they are doing rather than falling for what they say. Actions truly speak louder than words when it comes to ending the affairs after its discovery.
You also have to deal with your own resistance about the affair. This shows up in the form of you blaming yourself for what happened, in both conscious and unconscious ways.
Getting caught up in blaming gives you a scapegoat, but it does little in terms of making real progress in terms of recovering from the affair.
What will help you in terms of real progress is creating an affair relapse prevention plan soon after discovery. Having a plan gives you direction and clarity.
When it comes to recovery, blame only gets you so far. Even after you find who or what to blame, you face the question of ‘now what?’
If you had a plan, you’d already have some idea of an answer. You’d also have direction along with knowing what to do.
If you’re clueless about Affair Relapse prevention plans, then order the video “Overcoming Affair Relapse“. In it you’ll discover what to look for and how to put together a plan that works for the both of you in preventing second, third or even fourth D-Days.
If you need more intensive help, contact me at Jeff@RestoreTheFamily.com for times and availability.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
