One of the things I hate is red tape and bureaucracy. Over the weekend, I found myself giving the same information to three different people when placing an online order. Repeating the same information infuriates me.
Each person asked me the same questions, which I viewed as pointless and infuriating. Since I wanted the order, I had to go through their red tape bureaucracy.
If you’re one of those people who hate bureaucracy then you may want to reconsider the divorce option. With divorce, the control suddenly shifts from you to the judge and their court.
At that point, the judge decides who, what when and where things happen with YOUR children. You’re no longer in control.
Courts are known for their inefficiency, and paperwork requirements. They make online ordering look simple compared to the forms and paperwork they require.
Then, if it goes to trial, everything becomes a show. It’s not about facts or the truth, it goes to whoever is more believable.
On top of that, there’s also the lawyer trick of bringing up embarrassing things from your past. Things you thought were over with are suddenly given new life and shaming you in the process.
It doesn’t make any difference whether or not you did it, you just have to convince the judge that you didn’t.
If you drink or use medications, accept that the amount you use will be exaggerated and distorted. You’ll have to defend however much you use.
This brings me to the question, “Do you really want a divorce?” It sounds like a simple question, but when you seriously consider it, the message is deeper.
Are you wanting the bureaucracy and loss of control or are you looking for a way out of the complicated situation you’re in? You may have thought that divorce would solve your problems.
There are problems in your marriage. The affair is a symptom of those problems. Divorce isn’t a problem-solver. Instead of solving problems, it changes the rules, and creates new problems.
It severs relationships. It doesn’t end them or remove a bad spouse, or suddenly change them.
Divorce doesn’t ‘fix’ cheating spouses. Divorce won’t suddenly take away your pain and loneliness. In taking away control from you, it reduces your security rather than increasing it.
This means that working through recovery from the affair may be a better workable solution than dissolving your marriage. You may not be able to solve every problem, but when the two of you work together, you can find ways of dealing with them better than the courts would.
This is why I encourage you to consider the Affair Recovery Workshop. In the downloadable workshop, you’ll find my best information and help in knowing how to deal with the affair, open lines of communication and breaking the unhealthy patterns associated with the affair.
Instead of spending hours at the counselor’s office, you can spend your time going through the workshop materials at your own pace and in the privacy of your home. It may surprise you how many of your unsolvable problems the two of you can find a way of dealing with.
Rather than entertaining divorce as a solution or even a default outcome, the real answer to your struggles may come from the two of you working through your issues. Rather than putting of doing something about your situation, now is a great time to start making changes.
Click and download the workshop today. It will save you time and frustration. The healing won’t come in the counselor’s office, it comes from the two of you working through your issues.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
