After sending out the email dealing with separation, a reader wrote back wanting more information. She stated “Very curious about your thoughts on separation as a way to test out divorce before concluding if that would be better, for all parties involved, including the children.”
Her comment started me thinking about the ‘separation option’ and how it works in affair recovery and the stages of marriage. I responded with the following reply.
“The separation question is definitely one worth considering in heated situations. I am still thinking through my thoughts on separation. Generally I view it as a ‘cooling off period’ where each spouse has an opportunity to really consider what is going on.
In such cases, the spouses think through their options and ‘count the cost’ of what they are losing or gaining with those options. There is often a great deal of hurt they need to get clear about before they are ready to talk about it.
Although I view it that way, some couples view separation as a potentially constructive time.
Other couples use it as a ‘pre-divorce’ status. For them it’s just the next step as they head toward divorce. In such cases, the couple has already grown very distant from each other and the divorce only formalizes distance that has been there a long time.”
Either way, when you’re in the midst of separation, you need a place to talk and consider your options. There may be things you are not seeing or evaluating in a healthy manner.
Those blind spots are keeping you from seeing options.
Given what you’ve been through with the affair, you may not be thinking clearly. This is where being a member of the support community at Restored Lifestyle can help. There you can share with others and read about how they are handling things. You can also find step by step actions you can take in considering the separation option.
This can give you ideas and direction in facing the challenges before you.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
