On seeing the headline “Wife considers snooping through husband’s phone over suspicious text” I wondered why that was considered headline material. The headline and article made it sound like choosing to snoop was a torturous decision. Although federal law makes snooping through someone else’s phone a criminal offense, when you are married, you face a choice. Does federal law have more authority in your marriage than you do?
If you are married, and your spouse has been acting suspiciously, snooping through their phone may be the only way to get answers. After all, you have a right to know what is going on in your marriage. If your spouse is cheating on you, or hiding something from you, snooping may be the only way.
In my mind, when you marry, you pledge yourselves to each other. This is contrary to modern ideas where marriage is treated as a part-time partnership or contractual arrangement.
I use the term ‘part-time partnership’ because modern views make you feel guilty for invading your spouse’s privacy when you have grounds to do so. It’s one thing if you are snooping without reason, but quite another when there are reasons for it.
Sadly, when it comes to privacy, the government may know more about your spouse than you do. This is a sad statement about the state of privacy in today’s culture. Going through your spouse’s phone is an invasion of trust and does potential damage to trust. When you do something questionable and test limits on trust, there are consequences, whether you’re the one snooping or the one hiding.
In my mind, it’s ludicrous for a spouse to demand respect for privacy when they’re doing shady things. This modern veil of secrecy hampers couples from developing intimacy and commitment which are vital in maintaining a healthy marriage.
Let me be clear. I view privacy (financial, phone, etc.) as conditional. When you violate the conditions or appear to violate the conditions, then you surrender expectations to that privacy, especially in the unique and special relationship of marriage.
If you are in a healthy and committed marriage, then you should have nothing to hide from your spouse. Therefore, snooping should not be an issue. If your spouse is cheating on you or hiding something, then they are the ones violating the conditions of trust and respect that are vital to a healthy marriage.
I also feel that when there is a crisis, the expectation of privacy is also unrealistic. This includes medical information, your phone activity, etc. Although the law protects the privacy of medical information, when the life of your spouse is endangered, you should have access to that information.
Too many times spouses use privacy as a way of hiding affairs and questionable relationships or activity. Had these things been talked about, the two of you could’ve come up with a plan.
If you don’t want your spouse to go through your phone, there are things you can do. Talk about it with them AND don’t do anything that appears questionable.
Consider the situation from what it may look like to your spouse, not from just your viewpoint. You may say “It’s not what it looks like”, which is an admission that what’s happening is questionable.
If it’s questionable, it’s best to either not do it or to discuss it with your spouse.
If you are facing a situation where you are tormented over whether or not to go through your spouse’s phone, it’s a clear indication there are some trust issues going on.
If you have gone through your spouse’s phone, there are also some trust issues going on. Either way, anxieties over going through the phone are a red flag indicator that someone doesn’t trust their spouse.
In my video, ‘How Can I Trust You Again?‘, I deal with these issues and share ways of rebuilding trust in your marriage.
Click and download a copy today.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
