One of the effects of an affair is that it leaves you questioning your marriage relationship. The affair leaves you unsure of where you stand and where the two of you are going.
So it made sense when a reader asked “Can a long term marriage be successful after infidelity?” In asking the question, they want some assurance that the affair doesn’t mean their marriage is over.
I don’t know who started the myth that an affair means your marriage is over, but they’ve ruined many marriages unnecessarily.
The affair signals that changes are needed. Among those changes are the requirement that the two of you talk about the affair, what each of you need and re-evaluate what makes for a successful marriage.
A good, working definition of a successful marriage is one where the two of you can solve your problems together. This includes finding a solution to the affair and the disruption it brought with it.
If your idea of a ‘successful marriage’ is one where uncomfortable topics are avoided, that sex fixes everything or all that matters is appearances, your ideal of a successful marriage is broken.
Sex won’t fix an affair. Avoiding the uncomfortable discussions about the affair won’t improve your marriage. It appearances are all that matters, your marriage was in trouble before the affair.
At this point, you and your spouse have to be honest about what your ‘real’ idea of a successful marriage is. You’re at a point where what you’ve said and what’s been done are two different things.
Successful marriages are marriages with love, commitment, honesty and teamwork in helping each of you fulfill your potential. You may have talked a good game over the years. Now with the affair, you find out how committed each of you are to your marriage.
One of you slipped and fell. Are you going to help each other at such weak times or give up on them when they let you down? They failed you.
Are you going to fail them and your marriage as well?
You’ve got the potential for making things work, if you want it to work. You may need some help in knowing what to change and what changes will help the most.
This is where the Affair Recovery Workshop comes in. It guides you in making the necessary changes. It also lets you know where to make adjustments along with changing hidden patterns that contributed to the affair.
So, the answer to the question is yes, you can make a long term marriage successful. You can use the situation to make some long overdue changes to your marriage and open up your connection with each other in a way that hasn’t been there for many years.
I want to see your marriage survive. That’s why I’ve put together the best material on what it takes to turn your marriage around in the workshop.
Broken marriages only benefit lawyers, bar owners and disgruntled spouses looking for an exit.
You can do things differently.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
