One of the lessons that has stayed with me through life came by means of a firebrand young therapist. At the time, I was working in a hospital setting during one of those times the facility was understaffed.
We needed more help. Help came in the form of new therapists being brought in. One of them, was a young female firebrand named Katy.
Although I typically got along with most new people, within a few days of working with her, I didn’t like her. That dislike led to some occasional fireworks and heated interactions.
In time I dreaded any time I had to interact with her. I really didn’t intend for heated arguments and disagreements, they just happened.
Anytime I saw her, my mood quickly changed. The problem was I didn’t know why it happened.
I didn’t enjoy being around her and the conflicts were becoming more frequent. After a few months I started identifying what triggered me about her.
Like a light bulb, I suddenly realized what was triggering me. It was her mannerisms.
Some of her body movements reminded me of a person I didn’t get along with. My mind didn’t see Katy, it reacted to recognizing the movements. She moved like someone who I saw as a threat to me.
My mind saw the movements, considered her a threat and reacted accordingly, all within a few brief seconds.
Once I realized what it was, we overcame the problem and have been good friends since. She taught me a powerful lesson about triggers and didn’t even realize it.
When you are going through affair recovery, you may find yourself reacting to things you don’t understand. There could be triggers that are setting you off and turning you into someone others don’t want to be around.
Some researchers refer to this phenomena of triggering each other as the ‘limbic tango’.
Something your spouse says or does may be setting you off and operating outside of your awareness. The good news is that there are things you can do that rewire triggers.
In the upcoming September report “Using Brain Hacks for Healing” for members of the Restored Lifestyle site, I discuss this phenomena and what can be done to change it.
If this sounds like your marriage, you’ll want to find out more. Rather than being at a loss as to why you have such strong negative reactions, you can instead be doing something about it.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
