On discovering your spouse’s affair, at some point you’ll go through what I refer to as an ‘existential crisis’. This is when you start looking for meaning in all the pieces and fragments that you discover about the affair.
You wonder what it means, who the affair was with and more. You wonder what the length of the affair means. You wonder what the affair itself means.
Things really get twisted when their affair is with their ex-spouse who never let go of them. In those cases, they’re held hostage inside a prison they thought they’d escaped from.
Part of you may compare yourself to the lover in terms of attractiveness, sexuality, personality or a host of other variables.
The length of the affair shapes the depth of your wounding. The longer the affair, the deeper the wound.
The longer the affair, the bigger fool you feel. Being deceived over a period of time leaves you doubting them and yourself.
There are many other aspects of the affair that you consider in making sense out of what happened. You need answers about many things.
That search for meaning is part of the natural response to infidelity. Part of it is about the affair and part is about where you fit into the situation.
You’ve been displaced-physically and emotionally. Now you want answers. That search for answers takes your mind and emotions to places you never considered before.
The questioning is natural. How you deal with those questions makes a huge difference in how well you recover from the whole mess.
You can’t change what happened, but you can change what it means. What it means can also change several times as you go through recovery. That’s part of the healing process.
Your mind and emotions are struggling to deal with the situation. They need a narrative that makes sense to them. They need a narrative that helps you make sense of it all.
As you search for answers and a narrative, it’s important that you don’t lose yourself in the process.
In the video “Getting Past the Affair Crisis“, I address many of the challenges, questions and concerns that come with discovery of the affair. Rather than letting that discovery ruin your life, take steps that keep you from staying in that victim role.
Click and download your copy today.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
