Typically most of the questions sent to me deal with some aspect of affairs. It was refreshing having someone ask about addictions for a change.
A reader wanted to know “Can an emotional affair become an addiction?” The answer you receive depends on the kind of counselor or professional you ask.
There are some mental health professionals who only say something is an addiction if it’s on an approved list of official diagnoses. These are some of the same types who deny the existence of sexual addictions and other addictive dysfunctions.
For them, if there’s no ‘official code or number for it’, the problem doesn’t exist.
Being both a marriage counselor and a substance abuse counselor, I assure you that emotional affairs can become addictions.It’s just one of several relationship based addictions. There are a whole range of co-dependencies, love addictions, and sex addictions.
Some of these addictions don’t have “official” status, yet that doesn’t rule out their existence. These addictions have the same cycles of use, cravings and dysfunctional behavior patterns you see with many of the substance based addictions.
You also see those same patterns with some emotional affairs. This is because the chemical ‘high’ is in their brain. Their expectations and emotions provide them a potent high.
The very nature of an emotional affair is unhealthy. An emotional affair isn’t just another type of long-distance relationship. It’s a relationship that promises, yet never delivers.
Like an addiction, the early promises are misleading. You chase after it and never reach your intended connection.
Those dealing with the addictions are familiar with the cravings, emotional highs, obsessions, feelings of desperation and fears of losing the loved object. I use the term object, since when the addiction kicks in, they’re treated more like an object than a person.
Addiction changes the nature of the relationship. The relationship turns dysfunctional. The longer you stay in the cycle of addiction, the more dysfunctional the relationship becomes.
If you’re caught up in a relationship like this, and want to stop it, there’s hope. In the video “Help for the Cheater: Starting the Road to Recovery”, I guide you through the challenges associated with terminating dysfunctional relationships.
Order your copy today and start making the critical changes needed in regaining your life.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
