No-win situations are problematic. When each of your options has drawbacks you are put into a situation where there are no good choices.
One area where this shows up is the dilemma of putting up with the cheater or living apart from them. Each option has drawbacks associated with it. I also realize each of your situations is unique.
Let me start by saying that safety concerns are a trump card. When faced with this kind of dilemma, if there’s a life-threatening situation, make safety a priority.
Barring life-threatening situations, if you have sons, consider the long-term impact of being raised in a fatherless home. Although your home may be the exception, a growing number of studies continue showing a correlation of social problems with divorced fathers living apart.
Real-life doesn’t happen like what you see in the movies. When you remove your child’s father, it brings changes. Life doesn’t go on as usual after they are gone.
First, realize that being raised without a father has an impact. The impact is inescapable. There will be consequences. Removing a parent from your child’s life isn’t something easily replaced.
Secondly, consider what those consequences are.
What are the consequences?
The social problems include juvenile delinquency, behavior problems, self-image issues, and other long-term problems. These problems are higher in fatherless homes. These are serious matters. Being raised without a father impacts your children’s lives.
The mass media downplays these impacts. They present fatherless homes as no big deal. They present a myth to relieve the guilt of their audience for entertainment. The reality is that being raised without a father has serious long-term impacts.
I can’t make your choices for you, I can tell you that there are long-term issues needing your attention as part of your decision-making. Issues like these are whitewashed in the media, where they’re either ignored or downplayed.
If you face the dilemma of no-win choices in whether to stay with the cheater or live apart from them, the price tag of a fatherless home is a serious matter. Although it’s hard considering the impact of the affair on others besides yourself, the effects are wide and long-term.
Your choices in how you deal with the affair also have a wide and long-term impact. Before making a choice that impacts future generations, it’s worth considering working things out with the cheater rather than giving up.
In the Affair Recovery Workshop, I cover the important issues needing attention in working through things. Issues like communication, problem-solving, unrealistic expectations, along with ways of breaking unhealthy patterns and changing things for the better.
Click and download your copy of the Workshop today. Working through the unpleasant and upsetting issues will take you to a different place than fatherless homes, courtroom drama, and handling crises alone or with little support.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
