In the midst of dealing with affairs, one aspect is frequently overlooked – pride. It may not be the first thing that comes to mind, but it plays a significant role. Many couples only confront this issue when they resist seeking help.
While pride may have contributed to the affair, it is typically addressed later on in the recovery process. Often, it’s easier to label the cheater as narcissistic rather than acknowledging the role of pride, which is a symptom of narcissism.
Pride can be a positive quality within limits, providing us with drive, ambition, and motivation. However, when it becomes inflated and out of control, it can cause significant damage. It keeps you from accepting responsibility for your actions and attitudes.
Regardless of whether narcissism is present, pride creates distance between you and the cheater. This is not about pride in personal achievements; it’s the kind of pride that declares “I can”.
They may assert that they can change, end the affair at any time, or have affairs with whomever they choose – all manifestations of destructive pride. Perhaps they have even claimed that they can recover from the affair without any help.
In those moments, they are defiant, defying you, the counselor, and even their own self-image. This defiance pushes others away and keeps them trapped in dysfunctional patterns of behavior. It stems from a sense of entitlement, believing they are owed happiness above all else. They want to do things their way and refuse listening to any voice but their own.
The first step in addressing this issue is acknowledging the need to let go of grandiose thinking. The next is to confront their entitlement. Just because they feel entitled to cheat doesn’t mean they deserve to.
This pride prevents them from admitting their faults and recognizing the changes they need to make. It is destructive to marriages and must be addressed for true recovery from an affair to occur.
In my video, “Help for the Cheater: Starting the Road to Recovery,” I guide cheaters through these crucial initial steps. Gain valuable insights by downloading your copy today.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
