“Is there any hope for my marriage?” is a common question that a spouse asks. In asking the question, the suffering spouse is seeking reassurances that things will work out. They often want to know the answer to a question like this rather than repair the relationship and work on improving things. Although it is natural to ask for reassurances, many spouses seek the reassurance rather than do what they need to do. Like many in the public, they want promises, reassurances and hope. Such things are necessary, yet they are no substitute for work on the relationship. When assurances and promises are sought after more than change and commitment, problems will soon arrive. Many spouses are already tired of the talk and false hopes, they want results, they want observable change.
I am reminded of the episode in Dante’s inferno when the author describes the entrance of the underworld with the caption, “Abandon hope all ye who enter”. Although some may debate which comes first, the hades experience or the abandonment of hope, the reality is, there is tough going ahead. When a spouse visits a lawyer and papers are served, “There is tough going ahead”. Like college students who wait until the night before a paper is due to work on it, many couples wait until the papers are served before they finally decide to get serious and get to work on the relationship. In such cases, I would love to give them hope, but it is not a time for promises, it is a time for serious work, which should have been done months or years before.
I address this topic, because relationships with affairs have a high correlation with divorce and filing for divorce. If you have had an affair, you need to get to work before the lawyer is called and papers delivered.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
