The topic of sexual addiction is one of the issues that people are now willing to discuss as it related to infidelity. Even though couples are willing to look at sex addictions, the other side of sexual addiction and its impact on affairs is not addressed as frequently.
The other side of sexual addiction is ‘sexual anorexia’. Rather than a compulsive drive to have sex, this is when there is a compulsive desire to avoid sexual relations.
In many situations where one member of the couple has a sexual addiction, there’s often a sexual anorexia pattern at work as well. While one problem gets noticed, the other is often ignored.
Will sexual anorexia lead to an affair? In terms of the dynamics, it increases the possibility of an affair. Since it is more indirect, the issue of sexual anorexia is often avoided or not addressed at all.
Since the sexual anorexic did not “act out” they can assume the role of the victim, even though their avoidant behavior may have been a major issue in the development of the affair when the spouse was seeking relationship and connection with someone else.
The anorexia is about selfishness and self-focus, yet often goes unnoticed by those outside of the couple. So rather than quickly blame the spouse who acted out and let the other off the hook, when you’re dealing with an affair, one has to honestly deal with how each of the addictions interacted and fed into each other.
Since the sexual addict’s behavior is easily seen, they are given the label of being ‘the problem’. In reality, both spouses contributed to the problem, yet the sexual anorexic is not as visible.
The anorexic has a problem that needs attention as well. Ignoring will not make it go away. When you focus only on the cheater in dealing with the affair, you missed half the problem.
Affairs are often situations where both parties contributed to the problem. That means that the solution requires involvement of both spouses as well. The Affair Recovery Workshop shows you ways of getting your marriage back to healthy intimacy and communication once again.
Best Regards,
Jeff
