When it comes to relationships, it’s important to meet people where they are. Many couples are still figuring out the ins and outs of marriage and relationships. But here’s the thing – people who played games before they got married are still the same people. And they bring their baggage into their marriages.
This baggage includes habits and secrets, especially for those who are used to hopping in and out of relationships. If they played the field before marriage, their old habits die hard. Commitment becomes a struggle for them, even if they genuinely wanted to get married.
So, what about the reader who asked if it’s adultery if their spouse is aware? It’s a sincere question, but one that dangerously assumes that awareness or permission makes infidelity acceptable. I often see this in the swinger community.
Let’s clear something up – just because your spouse doesn’t make a big deal about your affair doesn’t mean it’s okay. Their awareness or quiet response doesn’t excuse your betrayal.
There are reasons for this. First, your marriage vows were made before God and witnesses. Cheating on your spouse breaks the promises you made in front of them. You violated their trust.
Secondly, assuming your spouse’s silence equals approval is risky and presumptuous. They might not know how to react, or they might be in denial and unaware of what’s happening.
Third, cheating shows a lack of respect for your marriage and your spouse. It sends the message that your own needs are more important than theirs, regardless of what you say with your words.
Furthermore, having an affair tells your spouse, “You’re not good enough!” If they come from a dysfunctional background, they may not realize they can express disapproval.
This situation is similar to the slippery slope of adultery in the swinger community. They redefine infidelity so that it’s not cheating if you have permission. But let’s be clear – giving permission or being aware of an affair doesn’t make it acceptable. Disloyalty is still disloyalty.
The excuse of permission is popular in the swinger community, where they fool themselves with this pseudo morality. They think they’re avoiding affairs when, in reality, they’re engaging in them. They still experience the consequences, even when they think they are smarter or more enlightened than others.
The fact that this couple is even asking about permission suggests they’re so caught up in extramarital relationships that they can’t distinguish right from wrong. They may be so deep in the situation that they prefer to stay deceived. Bringing morality into their lives ruins their playtime.
If you’re having second thoughts about your affair and want to change your situation, there are steps you can take. Start by downloading the video “Help for the Cheater: Starting the Road to Recovery.” It addresses what you need to begin turning things around and preventing them from spiraling further.
If you want to make a change, it’s time to keep it real and take action.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
