You may find the idea of a terrorist in-law unsettling. Although your in-laws may not be making IED’s and other bombs at the kitchen table, they could be plotting the destruction and overthrow of your marriage. Since you are related to them, you automatically assume that they are your allies in keeping your marriage going. Some may be openly antagonistic to your marriage to their child. When they are openly antagonistic, there are tremendous stressors, yet you know where they truly stand. The ones that are dangerous are the deceptive ones. They speak kindly to you, say nice things to your face, yet work secretly behind your back. They often plant seeds of doubt in your spouse’s mind. They love it when there is tension between you and your spouse. They often encourage the two of you to spend time apart, and for their child to ‘be happy’, even if happiness means flirting and behaving like they are single.
When you have a terrorist in-law who is making secret plans to split you from your spouse, you have your hands full. They use all their influence for destructive purposes. The hard part is when you see the danger they pose, yet your spouse does not. Since it is their parents, they may not see what is going on while accusing you of stirring up trouble or being paranoid. When the parent has their child in an alliance with them against you, they are at their strongest. During such times, you are being double-teamed. In some families, the in-laws not only hide the affairs, they may go so far as to babysit the grand kids so that the fling can happen. Since they want the marriage to fall apart, offering to babysit while pushing events into action allows them to achieve what they were after faster.
What would motivate such behavior from in-laws? It could be many things. I have seen some of the motives being jealousy of the child, dislike of you or your family, social climbing, insecurity (e.g. they want their child to take care of themselves rather than you), necrophilia, religious differences, and any mixture in between.
In such cases, your biggest threat is not the lover, or even the cheater but rather the in-laws who are driving what is happening. The lover and the cheater are being played. Although they are easy targets, they are not the source of the problems that you are up against.
Best Regards,
Jeff Murrah
