In all likelihood, you’ve heard many of the excuses used for justifying infidelity. Some have elements of truth and others are well-worded deceptions designed for giving the cheater a well-crafted excuse.
One of the excuses for infidelity that sparks conversations is that of an ‘unloving spouse’. There are times you may even wonder “How can I survive an unloving spouse?”
The unloving spouse is also a concern during recovery as the two of you start working on changes in your relationship. When I hear of ‘unloving spouses’, I immediately wonder about the hurts and disappointments going on in their marriage.
When people quit loving, there’s typically a reason for it.
Although the topic of unloving spouses is thrown around, I think a better term is ‘wounded spouses’. When you use that way of thinking, you start to see what their hurt is along with coming up with ways of dealing with the hurt.
If you’ve disappointed them or didn’t protect them, there are things you can do in fixing things. There are times you may just need to hear them out and provide support as they share their hurt with you.
Some hurts you can help with, while others you have to help them through. It would be nice to heal all of their hurts. You may not be able to heal their hurts since some are so big, they’re beyond the limits of your abilities.
Before you assume that their unloving is about you, talk with them about their past, the traumas they’ve been through along with their drug and alcohol use. These each impact their capacity and ability to love.
There may even be medical issues that are impacting them. Before making assumptions about the unloving, do your homework.
Assuming they are ‘unloving’ when in actuality, they’re hurting amounts to creating problems for yourself.
They may also need time for healing after the affair. If you expect them to trust right after an affair is admitted to, you’re expectations are unrealistic.
It takes the emotions longer to heal than it takes for the cheater to admit to the affair.
This is where the video “Forgiveness: Stop the Pain, Tear down the walls and Remove the Roadblocks” comes in. It guides the hurting spouse through methods designed for helping them past the pain of their wounding.
In the video, they and you can learn techniques for moving past the hurts that keep the two of you distant from each other.
Isn’t it time for you to remove the roadblocks that are keeping distance between the two of you?
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
