You’ve likely heard the old expression, “People don’t change”. I know I have. Although it seems innocuous and trite, there’s a hidden danger. This is a dangerous way of thinking when you are working on your marriage. You may use a different variant of “Once a cheater, always a cheater” which has the same effects.
Yes, I said “dangerous”. This kind of thinking limits your options, keeps you from seeing change happen, and can contribute to physical illness. In telling it to yourself, you program your mind in being blind to any changes.
If that’s not enough danger for you, it’s a sure-fire way to keep the same old fights happening in the same old way over the same old stuff.
What’s the likelihood things will change when you have a ‘discussion’ with your spouse and you believe “People don’t change?” With that kind of attitude, you’ve already taken away any motivation to change.
Would you want to work for a boss that had such an attitude when you go into their office wanting a raise?
Would you want a police officer pulling you over that has that kind of attitude?
Would you feel comfortable going to a doctor who enters the exam room with the attitude of “People don’t change?”
How do you think having this attitude impacts your relationship with your spouse?
It’s a way of thinking that locks you and your marriage into drudgery and hopelessness. As humans, we can only put up with a limited amount of discouragement and hopelessness.
That kind of hopelessness drains you of any motivation to change. It’s like you shoot beams of light at people that suck any hope of change out of them, including yourself when you look in the mirror.
I believe people can change and that your marriage can change. Often there are obstacles keeping the change you want from happening. Those obstacles can be moved or removed. The walls can be lowered.
Those people who never change are the ones putting the roadblocks and obstacles in the way of change. They go out of their way to keep change from happening, since it scares them. For them, keeping the status quo of ‘people don’t change’ is safer than allowing for change.
I wouldn’t be a therapist if I didn’t believe that people can change. As a therapist, I’m acquainted with many tools and ways of fostering change. I’ve seen what works, what doesn’t and what’s a waste of time.
The most powerful tool I have seen in changing relationships is ‘forgiveness’. When you forgive, you have new options open to you. You are no longer locked into one way of seeing your spouse and your marriage. With forgiveness, new possibilities are opened up.
This is why I put together the best material I’ve come across on one video dealing with forgiveness. I present it in the simplest ‘how to’ steps designed to bring deep levels of forgiveness. The new video “Forgiveness: Stop the Pain, Tear down walls and Remove the roadblocks” gives you the tools you need for changing your marriage relationship.
I’ve incorporated my “Direct Connect” method into the instructions so that your head and heart can work with each other in maximizing the impact of forgiveness.
Change can happen. You can either be a part of that change or impede it.
Best Regards,
Jeff
