One of the few areas where affairs are for total equality is when it comes to spreading animosity. When you are hurt, you are vulnerable to the animosity trap. It is very easy to start hating the cheater and everything about them, including their family. It is also easy for the cheater’s family to have animosity toward the spouse, so that they can support their child and their cheating behavior. When animosity is present, they often justify many types of wrongdoing.
The word animosity conveys ‘violent hatred’. Hatred is a feeling that is often contagious. Once one spouse develops animosity, it often spreads like fleas to other people, be they family or friends. Family and friends often want to help and have a soft spot for their loved ones. When animosity begins, those friends and family start with taking up offenses for the person they view as being ‘wronged’.
The problem with animosity is that it often motivates people to take action. When it becomes intense, they lash out at the target with no regard of the hurt, damage or pain they inflict. They just want to hurt them. They often believe that they are doing the right thing in hurting their target. Animosity has a way of blinding those afflicted with it. They no longer see their targets as ‘human’ or deserving of decency. They view their target as ‘deserving’ of the harsh treatment.
The risk of animosity is one of the many dangers that come with sharing your hurts and pain with others. You may be looking for relief and comfort, yet those who you share it with may turn it into their own personal revenge trip. Even the lover may spread animosity toward you by telling others about the perceived wrongs done to the cheater.
Animosity is not good for marriages, relationships or communities. It is akin to an emotional cancer that destroys those it afflicts. Yes, those with animosities really do need to ‘get a life’, but instead, they are spreading their venom into yours. Animosity is also one of the main building blocks that often leads to Parent Alienation Syndrome as well (I deal with Parent Alienation Syndrome in Module 5 of the Affair Recovery Workshop).
Best Regards,
Jeff Murrah
