After an affair, you may have to deal with the cheater not being in the home. You may have thrown them out or the left. Either way, once they are gone, you will find yourself having to face yourself. You will have to confront the restlessness, pain and loneliness. Sure, you can watch TV, spend time on the computer or find some other distraction for a while. Those things often occupy your mind, getting you to think about something else for a while. Despite the distractions, you will eventually have to face yourself and your pain. Although it is often easier to medicate the pain or block it out with other things, if you hope to move past it, you will have to deal with it. Dealing with your pain means working through it. Working through the pain involves being honest about the nature of the pain, the cause of the pain and what you will do about the pain. You may tell yourself that there is nothing you can do, but that is not the truth. You will end up doing something, even if it is to ignore the pain, you are doing something.
One key question that I have found helpful during these times is asking “Do I have to do something now?” This question often takes away the pain associated with urgency. You will have to take action, yet you may not have to do it right now. You may need some time to heal before you take action. When you need to heal, it is not the time for action. When it is time for action, it is not time to lick your wounds (or as my sons say, “If you rub it, your a sissy!” which sticks in my mind when I think about spending too much time licking one’s wounds).
Best Regards,
Jeff Murrah
