Although cheaters may tell you that their affair ‘makes them happy’, have you considered whether there is any truth to that statement? It is hard to convince others that you are ‘happy’ when you have to hide what you are doing out of a fear of being caught or found out. ‘Happiness’ under such circumstance amounts to the pleasure derived from secret indulgences. That is not the kind of happiness that you can share with others. If what you are doing generates a happiness that only you can enjoy, it is probably not a healthy form of happiness. In such cases, it is a pleasurable indulgence. You enjoy doing it, but that is not the kind of happiness that you can share without reservation. When you are truly happy, you can share it. You do not have to be secretive or ashamed of it. When you are secretive or ashamed for your spouse to find out, it is probably not something that is good for you.
If you define happiness in terms of needing to be surrounded by events or happenings, then affairs deliver the goods. Affairs are a sure way to ‘make things happen’ in your life. The challenge is that once the cheater makes things happen, they loose control and more things happen than they ever imagined, and those things happening are often unpleasant. An affair is a sure way to surround yourself with activity, yet they are often not the kind of activities associated with guilt-free, freely shared happiness.
Although the idea of affairs making people happy is used as an excuse, the reality is that they do not deliver a healthy kind of happiness. They do deliver the goods, in terms of stress, conflict, hurt, betrayal and a host of other things. There may be moments that put a smile on the cheater’s face, but when what puts a smile on your face is not something that you can unashamedly share with your children, it is not a good kind of happiness.
Best Regards,
Jeff Murrah
