In some ebooks and previous emails, I addressed the topic of the ‘affair fog’. I use this term in referring to the state of mind the cheater experiences related to the affair when they are ‘out of it’.
An astute reader wants to know about what happens once the affair fog lifts. When the affair fog lifts, the betrayer is finally able to engage and connect with others in a meaningful way. They’re also able to think and genuinely be with you.
Typically, the fog lifts mentally before it lifts emotionally. It would be nice if it happened all at once, but that’s not typical.
Once the affair fog lifts, they’re finally able to hear you and deal with the facts about what happened. Attempts at engaging them while they’re in the fog are filled with confusion and misdirection.
They were lost and not thinking clearly, so any answer you received was lost and unclear as well.
Like anyone who wakes up from an altered state, although they’re awake, it doesn’t mean that they are ready for everything coming at them full blast.
The phrase “It’s like drinking water from a fire hose” applies application at this point. They’re ready to deal with reality, yet they can still be overwhelmed and relapse back into the fog if they’re overwhelmed.
When you hit them with everything at once, it’s overwhelming. Look for indications that they are near being overwhelmed. When you see those indications, stop before you go too far.
I know you want many things addressed and dealt with promptly. Your concerns are valid and real, yet that doesn’t mean they’re immediately urgent.
You can complete any journey one step at a time. The journey to affair recovery is no exception. When the fog lifts, start dealing with them and the issues one at a time.
Focus your attention on your main concern. Although you want them all addressed, relationships work best when those issues are addressed one at a time.
One thing that needs attention is dealing with triggers and high risk situations. These dangers can lead to affair relapse. You want the danger of relapse reduced.
When there’s little to no risk of relapse, it puts you in a position of increasing the likelihood of your concerns being addressed.
In my video on “Preventing Affair Relapse”, I address concerns like the relapse prevention plan, high risk situations and triggers. If you don’t know what to look for, you can be blindsided by something you never saw coming.
Handling when the betrayer comes out of the affair fog is important. How you handle it shapes how much longer affair recovery is going to take.
Take action today and start turning things around in a good direction.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
