One of the habits I have cultivated over many years that has led to some astonishing insights is that of asking deeper questions. Anytime I find an object or a person attractive, I go deeper and consider what’s behind that attraction.
On seeing a house that I like, I stop and consider what I like about it and why. I want to know what about the house makes it attractive to me. Is it the color, design, lines, construction, location or something else?
Pondering questions like these has given me a better awareness of styles I like along with what about it is visually appealing to me. Had those questions never been asked, I would find myself feeling drawn or repulsed by objects or people without a clue as to why that influence is there.
Had many spouses asked deeper questions of themselves, they would’ve made different choices. Instead a great many tumble through life giving into those influences without hesitations.
When attracted to someone, they give in rather than considering what’s driving the attraction. For them, the best explanations they can come up with are either ‘chemistry’ or ‘magic’.
Never bothering asking deeper questions leaves you in a helpless position. You become a pawn being moved by forces outside your control.
There really is a reason why the cheater is attracted to athletic types, or blondes or older men. They may tell you they don’t know what attracted them, yet you see the pattern.
Explanations of ‘chemistry’ or ‘magic’ give them a simple answer so that they no longer find themselves questioning things. It placates, but doesn’t explain.
Truth be told, there are reasons why some people attract us. One of the reasons is ‘trauma bonds‘. The power of trauma bonds draws you or the cheater to certain people.
Even when your mind tells you that they are bad for you or it’s not a healthy choice, the attraction draws you. These bonds are like magnets that draw specific types to them.
The power of trauma bonds at times overpowers logic, common sense, and moral upbringing. You know they aren’t good for you, yet you run towards them like bugs to a flame at night.
Fortunately researchers now understand trauma bonds and ways of reducing their power. You no longer have to feel helpless in resisting their pull.
In the January Special Report, “Trauma Bonds: The Ties that Choke and Bind” you can learn about them and what you can do to lessen their grip on your marriage and life. The report is going out to members of the Restored Lifestyle site later today, so you still have time to sign up.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
