Running into your ex is seldom pleasant, especially after their affair. Just the sight of them reminds you of what they did. The more unsavory the act the more pain it brings.
I was reminded of that when a respondent brought up her husband cheating with hookers while she was pregnant. That kind of hurt doesn’t easily go away.
When you have a blended family situation, the courts may force you into situations where you have to deal with your spouse on a regular basis. That puts you in the position of repeatedly facing unpleasant situations with your ex.
Since they are your ex, the pain is deeper. When the two of you have children together, you have the additional wrinkle of how the kids remind you of your ex.
When you’re faced with such an awkward and unpleasant situation, how do you propose dealing with it? There are no magic mantras for suddenly making the hurt go away and put you in a good mood.
Not only are there no magic tantras, there are no magic pills or wands that will suddenly change it either. You’re in a situation where there are no easy, quick fix answers.
One way of dealing with these challenging episodes is through forgiveness. Forgiveness isn’t easy, but it will help you face these situations.
The problem is that you may have ideas about forgiveness that are keeping you from forgiving. If you assume that forgiveness is a form of approving or giving permission to the cheater for what they did, your ideas about forgiveness is keeping you from forgiving.
Forgiveness is about you letting go of hurt and pain, not approving anything that was done. You can still forgive, yet hold them accountable for what they did.
I go into greater detail about what forgiveness involves and how to do it in the video “Forgiveness: Stop the Pain, Tear down the walls and remove the roadblocks“. I know you may not want to improve your relationship with your ex, but you do want a way of reducing your own pain.
The video guides you through how that can be achieved. As long as your ex lives rent free in your head and heart, they’ll continue shaping your choices and moods. Forgiving is a way of cutting off their influence from your life. It takes away the emotional power they have over you.
You need to be able to move on rather than cycling through the pain. The video gives you a way of doing that.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
