One of the most profound questions when it comes to affair recovery is “Do you want to be healed?” This simple question is one you’ll eventually face in recovering from an affair.
On the surface, it looks simple, yet I’ve seen countless couples come in claiming they want ‘healing’ when they actually wanted to quit hurting, or a return to nostalgia or revenge. None of those are healing.
The lack of pain isn’t healing. The going back to the way it was isn’t healing.
Healing requires you deal with the root issues rather than the presenting symptoms. The hurt is unpleasant, yet the hurt is not the root problem. Chasing ways of reducing hurt point you in the direction of pain relief rather than healing.
They will take you in the direction of covering over emotions and blocking things out. It gives you temporary relief, but it’s not a lasting solution to your situation.
Healing also requires working on recovering from the affair even after the pain and tensions subside. Healing means you don’t settle for temporary fixes or fall prey to the illusion that all is well when the issues haven’t been resolved.
Understanding affairs in terms of root issues instead of surface symptoms requires effort. It’s easier focusing on surface symptoms and their relief rather than digging into the insecurities, shame and hurt associated with the root issues.
When you look for pain relief, there are plenty of places to go. There are drugs, alcohol and many counselors who are willing to join you in seeking quick fixes.
The quick fixes leave you thinking all is well, even though you still have doubts and nagging unsettled questions in the back of your mind. You’re no longer in pain, yet things remain unsettled.
Healing requires you take a hard look at unpleasant truths and find new ways of dealing with them and each other. It requires the two of you work together rather than live in separate worlds.
Moving past the pain is very different than reducing it. Lasting solutions require effort that changes patterns and cycles.
If you’re wanting recovery that examines root issues and motivations rather than surface symptoms, contact me for a consultation or online counseling. You can reach me at Jeff@RestoreTheFamily.com .
Email me for available times, requirements and costs. There is a big difference between chasing after pain relief and obtaining healing for your marriage relationship and yourself.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
