Although you may consider the topic of boredom better suited for another blog, there are times that it is important to deal with regarding affairs. The cheater may claim that they are ‘bored’. They may say that they are bored with you, bored with your marriage, or bored with life itself. The ‘boredom’ excuse has been used by many cheaters as a justification for having an affair.
So when the cheater tells you that they are bored with you or the marriage, how will you deal with it? My experience is that boredom occurs when one or more of the parties are not fully engaged. It is as if they want to have a relationship with a safety zone. They do not want things to get to close to them or get too real. As long as they can keep the relationship at arms length, they feel alright. The distance may help them feel safe, but it increases the potential of boredom. In order to overcome boredom, you have to ‘engage’. This may be a sign that the two of you need to take the relationship to deeper levels. The two of you will need to become more real and honest with each other. By keeping matters at a superficial level, you are increasing the potential of boredom as well.
Boredom can be overcome. It is a real problem. The conflict begins when an affair is the solution to the problem. In other words, the problem is not the problem, the problem is the solution. In the case of boredom, the ‘real’ solution lies in getting closer to your spouse, not in getting further away from them.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
