There may be times that you assume that passivity either does not interfere with or impact recovery from your spouse’s affair. You may not have even considered passivity an issue in recovery from the affair at all, especially if you are a passive person or a person with a passive personality.
Passivity not only interferes with recovery from an affair, it makes it untenable. To put it another way, passivity disrupts if not destroys the recovery process. Its hard rebuilding a marriage when dealing with a passive spouse is like nailing jell-o to a tree.
Have you ever considered the challenge of trying to connect with someone who is passive? When you’re extremely passive, you’re disconnected from others. That disconnection makes any kind of connection or re-connection, difficult. Your passivity makes it harder for others to connect with you.
A passive person makes conversation difficult. Those difficulties discourage you and the other person. You may want your spouse to know you or tune into you, yet your passivity is actually keeping them away.
For them the passivity is like navigating through fog. It makes them unsure whether they are actually connecting with you.
Even though you’re hurting inside, when your spouse has to play a guessing game at what you’re feeling, it discourages them. You may be a warm, loving person on the inside, yet when you make getting access to your heart a quest, it becomes overwhelming.
You may have visions that some prince will cut their way through the briars and thorns getting to you as in Sleeping Beauty. That only happens in the “Wonderful World of Disney”. In real life, your spouse needs encouragement and hope as they reach out to you.
Being passive amounts to being the ‘living dead’. Although you’re alive, the passivity d-incintivizes those wanting to connect with you, especially your spouse.
Your spouse needs someone who touches them back, who reaches out to them as well. They need someone who communicates with them as well. When communication is only one way, it’s not real communication. Sure, one person is being listened to, yet that’s not communication.
This is where “30 Days to a Better Marriage” helps. Rather than sitting back wanting them to reach out to you, you’ll instead know what to do. You no longer have to wish and hope for a better marriage, you can be working on improving the one you have.
Investing in your marriage always pays off well. Choosing not to pays off negatively. Your marriage communication doesn’t improve when left on its own.
You may have never been taught the skills you need. If you were raised where passivity was seen as being a ‘good spouse’, it’s now working against you. Your spouse needs to connect with you and you need to connect with them.
Best Regards,
Jeff
