Although I haven’t addressed the topic of perfectionist spouses, a recent email alerted me to this concern. The pressures of living with a perfectionist spouse are suffocating.
It’s one thing when your spouse expects perfection in a few areas, it’s overwhelming when they expect perfection in all areas. With those kind of expectations, it leaves you feeling inadequate about yourself.
You’re left feeling like you’re just not good enough. They expect your dress, manners, appearance, reputation and home be spotless and exemplary.
Your home starts looking more like a museum or gallery rather than a place where humans live and enjoy each other.
It has you wondering if your breasts are large enough, it you’re too fat or if you’re sexy enough for them. You’re constantly guessing at what’s not ‘enough’.
It wears you down when your spouse always finds fault with you and what you do. It makes you want to ‘give up’ and leaves you feeling inadequate.
It’s at those time of inadequacy that affairs with their temporary and situational acceptance are appealing. The allure of someone accepting you when your spouse is always finding fault adds to the temptation.
Considering the affair option as a way of dealing with the pressure of being perfect is dealing with the symptom rather than the root problem. When your spouse is a perfectionist, it’s a red flag warning of their own issues.
Perfectionism covers up their own inadequacies and self-worth. What you see on the outside is a microcosm of the struggle they endure on the inside. The greater the perfectionism, the bigger the self-worth issue they are struggling with.
All that fault-finding comes from their own well developed fault finding. They find inadequacies within themselves and that spill over onto you.
The dread you experience inside when they find fault with you is a small taste of what they experience inside themselves. They are letting you know what they feel.
If your surroundings are so perfect that they’re dehumanizing and lack warmth, it’s a reflection of the root issues they are going through. How you deal with them matters.
Running away into the arms of another person is not a healthy solution. It temporarily gets you out of the pain, but the problem continues.
If you are facing these kinds of issues, there’s a place you can go and talk about them free from the disapproving eyes. You can join the Restored Lifestyle membership site.
At the site, there are forums where you can share with others while operating under a name of your chose. You can share what’s been going on inside you with others who are dealing with affairs as well.
Your membership gives you access to special videos and material designed for helping you during this challenging time. Having a place to go and talk helps give you space and a place to start your healing.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
