You may joke that the way you know that your cheating spouse is lying is because ‘their lips are moving’. Although you may say that now, it wasn’t always that way.
There was a time when you were taken in by what they told you. Although you assume you know what to look for now, in most cases, it was a ‘on the job training’. You learned about their lies as you went.
Unless you’re dealing with a sociopath, there are signs and signals given off indicating untruths. If you know what to look for, it could save you agony and pain.
Sigmund Freud is credited with the quote that ‘A person can not not communicate’. At any given time, they are giving off signals and signs. Most of the time, these signs and signals are overlooked or ignored. Rather than ignore them, you need to be taking note of them.
Signs and Signals
One is when they look down to the ground when answering you. When someone typically maintains eye contact, for them to look down as they respond should send you a message.
When they look up or to the side, they are accessing portions of the brain. Looking down to the ground (unless you asked them a question about feelings) is often a signal that does not fit the pattern of truthfulness.
Another, at least in Western European culture is ‘the touching of the nose’. When people touch their nose while talking with you, it’s often another signal that what they are saying is ‘off’.
Notice the tone of voice. When there are sudden changes, it should alert you to something.
Likewise, when it comes across as ‘too rehearsed’ it often is. Some liars actually work at improving this area. For them it is a skill, that can be practiced and mastered.
Each spouse typically has their own unique non-verbal quirks that occur when they lie. Take note of them rather than ignore them. They’ll alert you to what’s really going on.
The biggest part of any communication is non-verbal. Cheaters know this and often tell you what you want to hear, hoping that you do not tune into their more communicative non-verbal gesturing.
When there’s been lying in your marriage, one areas that suffers is trust. The lies require confrontation, the trust requires rebuilding.
In the video “How Can I Trust You Again?”, I provide the trust formula along with ways of rebuilding the trust. It’s helpful for both the cheater and the betrayed in rebuilding your marriage.
Best Regards,
Jeff
