One way of dealing with an affair is by acting like nothing happened or treating it like it’s no big deal. Taking this approach can take you through the initial crisis, although nothing is settled.
It amounts to a type of denial. In this case, you’re denying that it hurts you as bad as it does.
This approach is a low-conflict way of handling the affair, yet it ends up condoning it. It also puts each of you in a situation where you keep a multitude of emotions bottled up inside.
The assumption is made that since there’s little to no conflict, there’s little to no problem. This is where you’re leading yourself astray.
Whether you react on the outside, the reactions still occur inside your mind and body. Your gut and your brain know things aren’t right. They may even keep you up at night sometimes as a reminder.
You may have avoided conflicts, but that doesn’t mean that the affair thing is resolved. This approach also involves killing off some of your emotions. The two of you live with each other, but your relationship suffers by not being honest and real with each other.
The acting like nothing happened actually shuts down parts of your marriage relationship. You’ll be fortunate if the damage is limited to your relationship without impacting your health.
There’s also excuses like it happened such a long time ago. Just because it happened long ago doesn’t mean it no longer impact your lives. The affair continues impacting your lives as long as the issues remain unresolved. Keep in mind that half-resolved or half-heartedly resolved issues are unresolved issues.
When the affair and its impact continues nagging at you, there are unresolved issues. When fear, insecurity and uncertainties about your marriage plague your thinking, there are unresolved issues.
Moving past the affair requires more than just acknowledging that it happened. There are important issues and concerns that need attention. If you continue struggling with them, it’s time for calling in help.
When you’re ready for taking those steps, I’ve had some appointment times open up. Email me for times and prices for services at Jeff@RestoreTheFamily.com . Make a call that changes things.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
